Sunday Morning Thoughts

I went to look for a place to live yesterday, lets just say that there is a minimal amount to choose from! Frustrating, very frustrating! I am wishing I could stay where I am and just transport to Mamou for work everyday. ARRRRGGGGHHHH! I drove all over Eunice and well hit brick walls, then when I did have a bead on a place, the woman, who was suppose to be there was not! So upon finally contacting her, I must go back there Monday morning. Anyway I need to be moved by the first week of August, that is 30 days, and closer than it sounds. I assume it will all work out, God doesn’t open doors without taking care of stuff!
As far as God is concerned, I assume I am still a Christian. Certain life events, some better than others have seriously changed the way I see God and Christianity. Don’t misunderstand me, I still believe in Jesus, being the Son of God, dead buried and resurrected on the Third Day! That being the foundations of the faith, I think I have that. However, it is the extracurricular activities that I either have a problems with or just don’t do as a I should. Okay lets start with what I should probably be doing, but have not (and I am still not convinced that the these are pertinent to my salvation they just assist in my dependency on God): going to church (this is harder to do lately, because well I hate going just to go, I go to fellowship, which is the sole reason we have church – the gathering together of the saints), reading my Bible (okay this is good, because it helps to understand the teachings of Christ and assist us in implementing His will into our lives, however, I have been so perverted by fundamentalist interpretation it is hard for me to read the Bible critically, thus being able to read it as it is meant to be), praying (this is means prayer in a formal sense, the scheduling of time, which I am not too sure is what prayer is supposed to be, I mean shouldn’t we be moved to prayer, just we are moved to spend time with a lover or a friend, scheduling never has worked for me, maybe that is why I am such a bad friend and have very few close friends?) and lastly helping others (I mean really thinking of others without it being some sense of gain for me, reaching to the poor and the hurting in a way where no one knows it is me and the reward lies not in man’s praise but in God receiving his glory due!)
Now for the things I just don’t know if I agree with anymore, or just cannot swallow… This whole idea of regimented sanctification and personal holiness (isn’t this a spiritual process, one where God does the work and well we just make sure we are positioned so that he may do his thing), the idea that this type of behavior leads to spiritual authority and makes one more powerful than another, thus equating to higher positions within a church body doesn’t God decide this, I have seen to often where people with no more spirituality than myself are elevated as if they have some greater power…maybe I am cynical, maybe it is my own insecurities), and last the idea that if you are Christian you are to be affiliated with “christian” political parties and “christian” agendas (why is it that the only thing many “christians” want to debate are queers and abortion, don’t get me wrong I have a problem with abortion, I hate the thought of a baby dying, but I am not so sure about homosexuals. The debate is not whether or not it is a sin but that they are people and they deserve love and not our condemning them to hell. If that were the case, because they have sin, then I am one foot into the fire myself – I lie, am jealous, envious of others, contemptible, easily swayed by worldly pleasures of drink and women, so if sin is our only gauge as to our spiritual prowess or integrity and grace is longer a player we are all proverbially screwed!)
Okay so these are my Sunday morning thoughts as I sit in PJ’s not attending church, debating the true nature of the Christian life and its relevance to the world around me. I long for a simplistic faith, one that is made evident in my deeds, one where I can call myself a Christian and not have to worry about the fate of my soul, but one where I can rest in the grace afforded me on that lonely cross.